A self-pitying account of what matters. The complaining tone is purely coincidental (!). The stream of consciousness is not.
Life, as in life, is all about having a niche of things & people you like and feel part of. It’s all about the community. Team.
My life has, so far at least, been a chronological series of small things. They build up a super-coherent stream in terms of profession/formation (:thumbup!); but they are a broken disk in terms of all the rest (:sweat_smile).
What matters to you? Why do you do what you do?
Lived in a few places. Seen way more, thought of living there but not interested in moving anymore now. Gotten old for that now? Maybe, not sure really.
Of the places I’ve lived in, been a series of not liking them enough, things change, run away. Repeat. No place to really call home, at the moment. A long-standing struggle to think of one.
But leave a bitter taste of what you liked instead, or could have liked.
People matter, are the thing that matters the most.
Of the people met, been a series of meeting a group, lots of fun, doesn’t last, location changes, group broken. Repeat. No people to call group. This is a generation on the move, and this breaks communities. This builds groups destined to die.
Clearly the acceleration of tech has given everyone the sense of living in one big world, but it’s only shiny from the outside, it’s fake. And borderline painful.
Ends up with a scatter of (very few) friends all over places. Those that stay, regardless of the where. Those are those that matter, they stay, they’re there. But they’re far away, have to compromise.
Top of this, I’m no easy. Been an idiot a few times, long list of crap. This probably the main reason actually, maybe. Not sure.
Too little, too late?
Stop and think: would be grand to have people to invite for dinner, people there in the same place, people to share time with as a community. People to spend a Sunday with, people to cook for. People to go to the beach with.
Of those few you got, would be so grand to spend more real, not virtual, time with. Like old times.
After all, I’m a kid of the nineties. Back then it was landline phoning and meeting front of the house to play.
The adult part now has lost that feel completely. And I miss it as the feel I never had as an adult, never. And that’d be the best (:heart_gift).